May Long was hard.
I blew up at my mom on Friday. I haven’t been good at dealing with stress lately. I got mad at her for always bringing her problems to me- for not talking to dad like a grown up- for this same vicious toxic cycle my family and my parents have been in my whole life.
I did feel really guilty after- but it probably did need to be said. My family is a big reason that I drink.
I am 100% putting my sobriety above anything else at the moment. So after I blew up at my mom, I was feeling sad and angry. Two reasons I love to drink.
I told hubby we werent going to the lake anymore, it is just too big of a trigger for me. I knew it was just going to make it harder than it needed to be.
We also had my friends 27th birthday party that we were invited too. We also didnt attend that. Last time I tried to get sober, it was coincidentally this time of year and this same friend had a pub crawl for her birthday. I went, but it was DAMN hard. I realize I dont and wont put myself in those situations anymore. So with every time ive failed, I have indeed learned something.
We went to a BBQ at my in laws on Sunday. I was a bit shy as I wasnt drinking and didnt talk much. But I got to really take it all in and did have a good time. Boy did I eat alot though!! I have been eating so much lately…. especially when we go out. My new fav thing about parties is the food!!
We then went back out to the in laws yesterday and laid on the dock and went seadooing.
I am glad I am putting my sobriety first. It is the only way to do it with my sanity in tact. No more pushing through situations that threaten my sobriety to make someone else comfortable.
I am listening to my body for the first time in a long time. I didnt go to two events because it would have been harder for me and instead I:
Suntanned in the backyard and read
Went to the dog park
Went to the gym everyday
Went to the in-laws for a BBQ, to lay on the dock and sea doo
Did yard work with hubby and the yard is all ready to go
Had a spa day and did a face mask, hair mask, my nails and had a bath
I am at work on the Tuesday after the long weekend, feeling good. No remorse, no regret, no depression and I am proud I overcame another sober obstacle!!