Having family stress. Always in the middle of my parents latest drama. Has been going for my entire childhood.
Its the May Long weekend. Suns shining.
Supposed to be going to the lake…. around drinkers.
Or supposed to go to a friends birthday party….. around drinkers.
Want to do both and just say fuck it- im young- its summer – lets have fun and let loose!
Also dont want to start from the bottom again. Will i always want to drink? Will I always feel left out? Will I always want to get out of my head and obliterate myself?!
I am feeling emotionally week.
I think its best I dont go to either one….. feeling sad. Wondering why me?
Must try to remember that I am CHOOSING not to drink. I easily could. Theres wine in the back of the shop.
I am CHOOSING to stay sober.
To stay healthy.
To not worsen the anxiety and depression.
To not dehydrate myself and ruin my looks.
To not embarrass myself
Because I dont just want to have a couple drinks. I want to get drunk. Thats why I dont drink.