I had a really great mothers day weekend. But, I did crave quite a bit.
I had gotten into a sort of habit of day drinking on Saturday, because my husband works every Saturday. He has always been worried about my drinking, and keeps a close eye on it. My AV does not like this, and so when he is gone, I feel the freedom to drink without his watching eyes.
The last two Saturdays I got pretty blacked out, dont remember much. I do remember going for drinks with two of my guy friends and saying some stupid shit to them that was half true (not sure why). I “woke up” half way through my blackout. Hubby had called me about 5 times, I wasnt at home when I said I was going to be, and I also ruined our date night BBQ we were planning on having in the backyard. The weekend before that, I sought out someone to drink (anyone) and did the same thing!!
This past Saturday, I went to dutch growers with my mom and I was feeling kind of blah. Not pepped up and excited to do things like the alcohol makes me. Then on Saturday, I was taking mom out to lunch for Mothers Day and all day the AV kept reminding me how nice it would be to have a glass of wine with mom. My brother ended up coming over after to sit in the backyard with us, and he was having beers. It wasnt even like I was going to drink them, or was in any danger of drinking them, but I was just thinking about drinking non stop.
I am super glad that I didnt drink, and I had such a good weekend. Hubby and I went out for a date night Saturday night and went to an arts gallery (that sucked big time lol) and then out to Earls for dinner. Hubby ordered a Caesar and I didnt even want one. Ive never ever understood having 1 or 2 drinks like hubby does. Whats the point?
Sunday, after my mom and brother had left, we went to Home Depot and got all our gardening stuff and flowers and we got all of our veggies put in and flowers planted! It was soooo nice. I was present, and doing stuff with hubby. I felt good coming in to work yesterday, not feeling depressed, anxious and once again vowing to quit drinking.
I am also proud of myself that I put myself and my sobriety first. On Saturday night, my girlfriend was having a birthday party for her sister and being the people pleaser that I am, I normally would have gone even though I was seriously dreading it. I have recently realized that I am an introvert. I also have social anxiety. So I would drink to get into that frame of mind to socialize. This time, I just straight up owned it and said we were too tired to go and I didnt let myself feel guilty or stew over it. I am starting to get this thing!!!
I am really excited for this weekend because we are going up to the lake for the first time of the season for May Long. I am not worried about drinking. I am going to bring some books, some non alcoholic drinks, some treats and enjoy the sun and the water!
One day at a time!