My visit with my friend went just fine. I stress myself out so much for no reason.
Just before I was about to leave for her house she texted me and asked if she should pick up some wine or anything. Immediately my heart started pounding and I was thinking of what to say. I took a couple minutes to collect myself. My AV was very excited at the prospect that we had not yet told people we arent drinking anymore.
I had thoughts of you haven’t told her and you dont want to seem like a lush again, so just say sure. Luckily, the better part of me remembered my marriage and the guilt I would feel from letting myself down over and over again. I replied I was actually just going to ask if you wanted a Starbucks. I am actually fine on the wine though, I havent been drinking lately 🙂 but you def can!
And she replied no thats fine I just didn’t have anything to serve! So I agreed to pick us up some Starbucks and once I got there, my non drinking wasn’t even mentioned.
I do notice that she doesnt want to seem like she needs wine either. She was once my biggest partying friend. We partied hard and drank hard and did tons of stupid shit together.
She has since gotten her shit together pretty good and is married with a little boy and I dont think she struggles with the drinking voice the same way I do.
The biggest thing I have learned from all this is that I just have to be confident in my decisions. Confident in my sobriety. Own it.
Not only do I need to do that with sobriety, I need to do it with all my life choices.
Like, who I decide to be friends with etc., I noticed that sometimes I can get meek and shy and quietly tell people why I am doing things, but seeming unsure myself.
The more confident you act (even if you dont feel it) in your decisions, the more other people are confident in your decisions. I cant keep acting meek, and unsure and scared of peoples reactions. That shows them that I can easily be swayed or arent sure of myself.
I dont like feeling that way.
But, wolfie didn’t win yesterday.