Yay its Friday! I love the weekends, I mean who doesnt. These days I am more loving the weekends for the pure fact that I get to sleep in later, wake up not hungover, relax more, actually get shit done, treat myself with pizza or pie or cake or whatever I feel like. All because I am not pouring booze down my throat all weekend.
Tomorrow is my bridal shower. When I get excited about something, it makes me want to drink. Good times and parties and wedding celebrations = drink. I noticed that I would almost always wreck them for myself though. I would get so excited and I would probably drink tonight and then feel not feel good tomorrow. And I would FORSURE have a couple drinks before the bridal shower to calm my nerves and to also make me feel better from drinking too much the night before. The thing is though, once I got buzzed I would just keep drinking, thinking I am fine, not noticing that I am starting to act strange and say weird things and talk and laugh way too loud. I always pre party before the excitement, so that when the actual event I was excited to attend came, it would be ruined. Either I would already be too drunk to enjoy it, or I would have started celebrating the night before, and be sooo hung over and puking. I have done that so many times its maddening. Not this time.
Tonight I am going to relax at home and have a spa night. Then tomorrow I will actually look my best, feel prepared and be present in the moment. I am so excited to see how this event goes sober. I know I have to fake it until I make it in the early days until it becomes second nature. I am going to have mock-tails and really just enjoy this party as it is. I know I cant drink alcohol so I am not going to let it steal my fun, or make me feel like I am missing out. I am going to enjoy every single moment with my closest friends and family who are all gathering to celebrate my wedding. This is about love and marriage, not getting drunk!
I dont know why, but I dislike when people throw me parties or when I have to be the center of attention. I only like it, if I am drunk. It is really something that I need to work on. It is almost like this inside voice that tells me I dont deserve it. Need to start talking back to that voice!
I have a plan for tomorrow. I am going to go to the gym in the morning to help with any anxiety, do a brief meditation before people arrive, and JUST BE MYSELF!!!!