Day 18 – Bridal Shower tomorrow

Yay its Friday!  I love the weekends, I mean who doesnt.  These days I am more loving the weekends for the pure fact that I get to sleep in later, wake up not hungover, relax more, actually get shit done, treat myself with pizza or pie or cake or whatever I feel like.  All because I am not pouring booze down my throat all weekend.

Tomorrow is my bridal shower.  When I get excited about something, it makes me want to drink.  Good times and parties and wedding celebrations = drink.  I noticed that I would almost always wreck them for myself though.  I would get so excited and I would probably drink tonight and then feel not feel good tomorrow.  And I would FORSURE have a couple drinks before the bridal shower to calm my nerves and to also make me feel better from drinking too much the night  before.   The thing is though, once I got buzzed I would just keep drinking, thinking I am fine, not noticing that I am starting to act strange and say weird things and talk and laugh way too loud.  I always pre party before the excitement, so that when the actual event I was excited to attend came, it would be ruined.  Either I would already be too drunk to enjoy it, or I would have started celebrating the night before, and be sooo hung over and puking.  I have done that so many times its maddening.   Not this time.

Tonight I am going to relax at home and have a spa night.  Then tomorrow I will actually look my best, feel prepared and be present in the moment.  I am so excited to see how this event goes sober.  I know I have to fake it until I make it in the early days until it becomes second nature.  I am going to have mock-tails and really just enjoy this party as it is.  I know I cant drink alcohol so I am not going to let it steal my fun, or make me feel like I am missing out.  I am going to enjoy every single moment with my closest friends and family who are all gathering to celebrate my wedding.  This is about love and marriage, not getting drunk!

I dont know why, but I dislike when people throw me parties or when I have to be the center of attention.  I only like it, if I am drunk.   It is really something that I need to work on.  It is almost like this inside voice that tells me I dont deserve it.   Need to start talking back to that voice!

I have a plan for tomorrow.  I am going to go to the gym in the morning to help with any anxiety, do a brief meditation before people arrive, and JUST BE MYSELF!!!!

 

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