Yesterday wasn’t too much to write home about. I thought a lot about alcohol- and giving it up permanently vs controlling it, vs this whole month with no booze.
I went over to my parents yesterday, and then came home to eat dinner and watch the new show The Good Doctor. So far I am really loving it. I really wish that I could smoke weed just once a week or drink every once in a while, but that’s my problem. I have a hard time doing things every once in a while. I am back to smoking a bit of weed again, but I don’t want to make it a habit.
When I am smoking weed, its easy for me not to drink. I think the reason I started drinking heavily again was because I wasn’t smoking weed, and I needed something. I have this view that life is just full of pain, and suffering, and work and terror (Vegas shooting yesterday) that life is so short, why not smoke a joint at the end of the day. life is so bland, if it makes you happy, doesn’t cause you any big stressed, and is relatively harmless I don’t see the problem.
My biggest problem lies with alcohol, and of course when I smoke too often. Right now I am craving to go home and smoke, I wont, I am going to go to the gym instead but it would be really nice… sigh.
After that hit of weed its just immediately ahhhh I can relax. I am going to go to yoga tonight instead, come home and have a bath and go to bed. Just for today I can stay sober.
Of course, thinking about drinking and all these events coming up in the future and what I am going to do. I still have not decided after October, but I do still want to be able to control my drinking and drink on maybe only special occasions. Typical addict here, also fantasizing the alcohol at special occasions etc. There is ALWAYS going to be a reason to drink, but these 2 all inclusive and my wedding seem like a pretty good reason. I am just rambling, this is my beast talking.
Good night folks.