Well. I made it to two weeks and was doing so well. I was feeling happy, proud, and my relationship with G was improving. He was happy and proud of me too.
I had gotten back into mediation and yoga, and started tracking habits. All of that falls by the way side when I drink. I drank a whole bottle of wine and 2 tall boys 7%.
I am not sure if G knew I was drinking, but I think he did. I know God wants me to be sober. I feel a high connection with God when I am sober.
Yesterday, I also drove. As soon as I get alcohol in my body, I think that I can do anything, with no consequences. It is absolutely maddening. I am so mad at myself.
I do realize, that I have to ride things out, when I am having wolfie in my head, I have to just not drink that day, and it will be better. I also smoked pot the last 2 days, after 40 days clean. I am back to day 1 for both.
I am learning that even if I had a flat depressing weekend, that will pass, I cant give in to the moment of feeling shitty.
I am not giving up- I WILL BEAT THIS!!!