This weekend coming up- is the weekend that I relapsed last year- and spent all year drinking heavily. It was my best friends wedding dress shopping day, and I remember feeling fine, not even an ounce of chance I was going to drink. Boy, that’s how fast it sneaks up on you. I decided that day I would have 2 glasses of wine, and I did, and it was fine, we went to the mall and we were all a bit buzzed and had a fun time (after the dress shopping). I then went home and told fiancé I had drank a bit, and wanted to go out that night… because clearly the AV voice was already telling me to drink more. I can never just have a couple.
So we went out, and I was like to some friends yeah I’m going to try drinking moderately again, first time I have had a drink in 6 months. But, that night, I didn’t drink moderately. We went to a couple different bars, and all the stuff I worked so hard to build was pretty much demolished in a night. I drank a ton of wine, I think a couple shots, and I do not remember going home at the end of the night.
After that, I was coming up with excuses as to why we should drink. Lets open this bottle of wine I got from my friend for her bridesmaid gift…. on a Friday evening. I could tell Fiancé was like… no… I don’t want to start getting into this again….. and I even wrote a post on here about a month later at how badly I had relapsed right to the point that I was before… so no not 1 drink is acceptable to me.
Besides, its pure poison, its ethanol, and it ruins every organ in your body, and ruins your looks. No thanks.
I had a great weekend. Watched movies and read with my babe and dogs boy Friday and Saturday, and I also went to another AA meeting. I am not 100% sure if AA is for me, everyone is a lot older than me, and I already know what I need to do to stay sober, I just wanted to meet some sober friends my age. I do like a lot of their philosophies and will continue to use them…. But I feel like the online community works a lot better for me. I don’t like to label myself as an alcoholic. I had a bad drinking problem, I stopped and that’s it. I am not going to continue to call myself an alcoholic till the day I die, when I haven’t drank in 20 years. I will call myself a spiritual, recovered, badass yogi! I can be whatever I want.
I went to the gym this weekend.. did a lot of praying.. I need to up my meditation and yoga practises again. So I am going to go to yoga tonight! I also ate really bad this weekend.. but that’s okay, its one weekend where I kind of felt I needed to indulge. Back on track today!
This is why I remembered I like being sober so much. Coming to work on Monday, feeling so good. Not dodging emails, and phone calls and the like because I am sooooo depressed that I cant even work up the nerve to talk to someone on the phone, or literally don’t care at all about it.
I am proud. I am doing this. I am never going back. Never question the decision.