I am not in any denial that I do not control my intake anymore. I am an addict, its who I am. I want to use this curse and turn it into a blessing. Wolfie the black demon is whispering a lot in my ear that I cant do this. Who is he kidding? I need to get better at calling him out.
I want to do this different this time. I don’t care what anyone thinks. This is my life and I cannot drink period. I wont be drinking at my wedding, and I wont be drinking in Jamaica.. Lifes a bitch, but it could be worse. There will always be another reason and excuse to drink. I need to start calling out that demon in me at every turn of the way.
I am taking all my anger out on my Fiance. I treated him sooo badly over this past weekend. I am so full of disgust and shame. I even slept at my parents one night when he was calling me over and over again. I blame him for everything shitty in my life. He is such a good man, he does not deserve to go through this.
I NEVER want to feel this way again. I outed myself to my best friend, and to my mom. It needs to end here. I will be feeling better in 5 months. It will get better. It will get better.
Should I go to AA today? I really don’t want to….