Should I go to AA?

I am not in any denial that I do not control my intake anymore.  I am an addict, its who I am.  I want to use this curse and turn it into a blessing.  Wolfie the black demon is whispering a lot in my ear that I cant do this.  Who is he kidding?  I need to get better at calling him out.

I want to do this different this time.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  This is my life and I cannot drink period.  I wont be drinking at my wedding, and I wont be drinking in Jamaica..  Lifes a bitch, but it could be worse.  There will always be another reason and excuse to drink.  I need to start calling out that demon in me at every turn of the way.

I am taking all my anger out on my Fiance.  I treated him sooo badly over this past weekend.  I am so full of disgust and shame.  I even slept at my parents one night when he was calling me over and over again.  I blame him for everything shitty in my life.  He is such a good man, he does not deserve to go through this.

I NEVER want to feel this way again.  I outed myself to my best friend, and to my mom.  It needs to end here.  I will be feeling better in 5 months.  It will get better.  It will get better.

Should I go to AA today?  I really don’t want to….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s