February 1st-2 weeks

I made it to two weeks.  I did actually feel really sick on Sunday morning, and I knew if I had a tiny hoot I would feel a lot better, so I did just one hit off a joint, and I didn’t feel better, and I felt guilty.

I am going to say that was a small slip up- as since that, and it is Wednesday now, I haven’t touched it.   But I realize how even 1 day of smoking, makes you wanna say fuck it, as Monday, I almost felt like I was starting at day 1 again, but I pushed through, So basically, 2 weeks off.  I did start drinking last week, as I love to numb, but caught myself and haven’t had any drinks since the weekend, I want to make sure I don’t quit weed and then start drinking heavily again.

I am very aware of cross addiction, and I am trying super hard not to do that.  I am going to try to get addicted to working out instead.

I have been ANGRY and irritable, at literally everything.  My brain races, makes me stay up all night regretting things I have said/done.  I know that doesn’t get me anywhere but its the truth.  I finally got my first good nights sleep last night but I still feel tired.  And cant focus.  At all, If I didn’t own my own business I think i would probably be fired.  I don’t have much motivation to do anything.  I also have this dull ache in my head for about 3 days now. Exercise seemed to help it, and sitting in the sauna yesterday, but then I woke up again this morning with the same dull ache.

I snapped at my Fiance, for 3 days straight.  I actually just texted him and said I am so sorry, just ignore me, I have always stuffed down my anger issues with weed and it is all coming up.

One thing  I am happy about is that my lungs are clearing out.  I have never in my life horked up black stuff before, but I did today.  Even though that is gross, I know my lungs are getting rid of the 12 years of tar.

I did a drug home test last week, and it tested definitely positive.  I am going to wait another week and then do another, just because of that small hoot I had, probably set me back.

I am still waking up drenched in sweat, having vivid back dreams.  I wonder how long this all will last?

I am 1 week away from the longest I have gone without weed and I love it.  Its like being re born, all these new things happening.


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