Day 1- No Weed

I survived my first day without weed!  I have had a lot of first days without weed though.  I am usually pretty good for a day or two until something stressful happens, then I just say fuck it, because I hate feeling emotions and want to numb them.

Yesterday, my dad’s friend needed help at the ex with his jewelry stand after I already worked a 9 hour shift, but I went to help him anyways.  I didn’t end up getting home until midnight, I was so tired, but also, it kept my mind off not smoking pot.

The other reason I was really pulled to help this man was that last year he got into a really bad accident on the Wichita Turnpike,  jackknifed his trailer, killed his wife (who he did absolutely everything with) and another lady and has had a really hard time.  Just before this he was going through chemotherapy and had his tongue half cut out, he has no saliva glands, and hasn’t eaten anything solid in 15 months.  I have huge compassion for this man, and something was nudging at me to be selfless.

I am sure glad I did, because he said some things that made me think and appreciate what I have, and what a small struggle giving up weed is compared to what he has been through.

I was telling him about how his jewelry is so beautiful and he kinda got this sad look in his eye and he said “I don’t even want to think about all the stuff we lost in the wreck, but it doesn’t even matter, you could take this all away if only I could have that one thing back.”

Meaning his wife.  It broke my heart.  And was a big eye opener for me to appreciate how beautiful my life is, and how fast that can change.

He tried to give me $80 to help him out, I never accepted.  I felt pulled to be there, and I know why.  God had a message for me.

Sometimes we blow up our problems to be huge, when if we just look around, so many people are suffering.  You never know going up to him on the street that this happened to him, we need to treat all people nicely, we never know what they have been through.

Also, I slept last night- and ate- weird huh.  Usually though the withdrawals will be starting tonight…

I purchased a quit weed program- I know, its odd, but strangely it has changed my perception of weed.  It is by Seb Grant, I recommend anyone even just playing with the idea that they would like to stop smoking pot to give it a go.   Its not only for pleasure, there are a lot of downsides too.  The main reason I am quitting is because I just know I am not living up to my full potential.  It is limiting me from the life that I want to live, hinders my confidence and makes me unsure of myself.  These are all things I do not need right now.  I am also putting the $60 per week I spend on pot and it is going towards my yoga teacher training.

Hopefully the rest of the day goes smoothly, if it doesn’t I am not smoking!!!

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