I have been very irritable the last couple days. I feel like no one understands me. This weekend I had another huge reminder that my friends really only want me around when it benefits them in some way or another.
My one friend A always asks me to come to her house, but will NEVER come to my house. She lives all the way across the city, in an area I hate, where I live right beside the river, dog parks, all the coffee shops and stuff to do. I also re did my whole backyard, and she has yet to come even see it. So yesterday, of course when her fiance is busy, she says hey wanna come over for a bit. I said no, I’m hanging in the backyard you should come over here if you want, and shes responds “I’ll see what B says when he is home from shooting” and then of course, don’t get another text.
A is always in a competition with me. She isn’t happy for my new backyard and house and things because its a threat to hers. She is always one upping me and thinks she is the queen bee of everything and everyone. She thinks she knows EVERYTHING and she carries a bitchy, I’m better than you attitude about everything, and shes only 23 years old. I am sick of it. She only wants my help when its to do the books for her company etc., she never helps me with anything. Only wants to come to my house in the states, or my lake front cabin, or to go check out all her brand new stuff and toys, but no, never to just do something for me.
Then I went to another friends house for a Rollerblade on Sunday. That was nice as I haven’t seen her in forever but she said something that pissed me off. She said “I think you just needed to prove that you could go without drinking for a period of time” I thought Oh yeah I just did this to prove I didn’t have a problem and once I realize holy smokes my life is so much better without it, I’ll go back to drinking. I proved I could do it. I’ll go back to my miserable, depressed life, sounds good. Like how small minded are you people!? Then she says ” not even for very special occasions?” Like girl, trust me you wont be there for my very special occasions so why should you care if I have a drink or not.
My friends are jealous because I am sticking to my guns, I am making progress, I am becoming better, and they aren’t. No one is going to tear me down- in fact it is only going to make me try harder.
I know this sounds crazy, but I am feeling rebellious against my friends. I want to show them who is the boss of my life, and that I am no longer that push over people pleaser friend.
They aren’t my people anymore.