A secret…

Monday morning.  I spent all yesterday, planning, preparing, and reading about my new challenge. I am so excited!

I have always been a person whabitho loves challenges.  Although I have never been one to actually finish through with any challenge.  Since I have followed through (t0 42) days without alcohol, I am learning quite a bit about pushing through, temptations, how to get through the tough times.  I feel like I can do anything now that I have that sneaky devil out of my every day life.

So.. I am starting an elimination diet.  I KNOW everyone advises against doing anything drastic like diets or even watching what you eat while in the first stages of sobriety.  But I have always been a healthy eater, a 4x a week exerciser and its not out of the norm for who I am to do this.   I am doing this to eliminate all gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, caffeine etc and re start my body.  I want to detox all the junk out of me.

I have a secret though.  I smoke pot.  I feel like a bit of a hypocrite even saying how proud I am to be sober etc.  But honestly until this weekend I had no plans to ever quit weed, and saw so many positive benefits of it.  To me, being sober, is not drinking alcohol, or doing hard drugs.  I don’t even think of marijuana as a drug.  However, since quitting drinking and how every day is getting better and better I am questioning my pot intake as well.

I smoke everyday, after work, about 6 bong hoots a day.   I am a high functioning alcoholic (was) stoner.  I work 8 hours at a really good job, I have a house, 2 dogs, a loving boyfriend, enough money in the bank, a good car, cool electronics, bells and whistles etc.  I still eat healthy (or was before I quit drinking) and work out.  But, I wonder what i would be capable of, if I took the weed out of my life too.

The reasons I like to smoke pot are that it calms my anxiety, makes me instantly relax, takes my mind off things and can be a super fun time.

The reasons I am noticing I don’t like pot are I am often tired and don’t want to do anything after I smoke up, my mind gets really foggy, messes with my motivation and I get bad munchies.

I want to be truly sober.  I want a completely clear head.  I want to be completely drug and alcohol free.  I want to depend on exercise and meditation and warm tea and books to fill me up.  Not external sources.

So I have decided, during the 21 day elimination diet that I am eliminating every toxin, including pot from my life.  For 21 days, I can do it.  And, in that 21 days it can give me some time to re learn a life totally sober.  It is going to be very hard for me.  When drinking, I never drank during the week only binged on weekends, but for smoking weed, its an everyday thing, a HABIT.  That i’m not even so sure I like anymore.  I don’t want to be attached to anything external.  Or depend on anything.  I want to be free.

Holy, this getting sober thing is generating a domino like affect in all other areas of my life too.

I am going to be documenting my elimination diet, how I feel, detox symptoms, the ups and downs and yes how hard it is going to be without my crutch pot.

Much Love, xo

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