Hiiiii babes. It’s Friday, it’s sunny. I’m thinking about that first sip of a smooth red wine. The way it lights up my insides as it travels to my bloodstream. The first ahhhh of the weekend commencing, my stresses and cares floating out the window.
I can picture myself sitting in the backyard, reading my book, or maybe grilling some steaks on the BBQ… oh how I can picture it.
Instead, I am at work.
I had so many events I had to go to this week. Yesterday, I worked all day, and then had to drive to another city to watch my cousins dance recital. I didn’t end up making it home until 1 am, and had to work again this morning.
I came in to work today, and had a bunch of rude emails I didn’t want to have to deal with, complaints blah blah blah. (why do I run this business)
I am having a poor me week I realized. I am happy I am sober, the days are passing, they aren’t too terrible either. But I think I need to cut down on my social events. I need to say NO when it doesn’t serve me.
I went to a BBQ this week, that was probably a trigger for me. A bunch of people were already half cut when we got there. I brought non alcoholic wine, as these people aren’t my closest friends, and I don’t want to have to explain myself. They all thought I was getting wasted with them, cheers!
BUT. I realized maybe I shouldn’t even be putting myself in these situations so early in my sobriety. It was a place where I didn’t know many people, felt a little anxious, and was expected be partying. Why didn’t I just tell them I wasn’t drinking with them? Am I STILL scared what people think of me? Do I want to fit in that bad?
oh the questions I ask myself.
Truth be told, as I watched them get drunker, louder and more messy, the more I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Seeing drunk people when your sober really is shocking. Did I act like that? Probably worse… yikes…
Does anyone else have trouble saying no? Even when they know its the best thing to do…
So yeah, I am tired and cranky.. not exactly a good recipe to try and do anything tonight. I already called G and said, I am having a movie spa night, and we are ordering pizza!
I LOVE pizzaaaa.. almost more than wine 🙂
Happy sober weekend!
Much Love, xo