This is HARD

When the pain of staying sober becomes less than the pain of getting drunk  you'll stay sober

It’s a dreary Tuesday morning, it rained all weekend.   I managed to stay sober this weekend, but wow was it hard.  I was not expecting that at all.  It started to annoy me late Friday afternoon, and continued throughout the weekend.  Even though I knew I was not going to drink, it was on my mind all weekend.  Why can’t I be like normal people and have a drink?!  But the thing is, I didn’t want A drink, I wanted 6 drinks.  I am trying not to romanticize drinking, and remind myself it is an illusion!!!

I worked out this weekend, but I ate a lot of sugar.  I think I was trying to fill a void by eating food.  I felt dull, restless, bored, agitated.  There was SOMETHING missing, and nothing could fill it.

We left the lake Saturday evening, as I was feeling weird and wanted to be back home in my king size bed.  Thank goodness we left when we did, because of course my brothers and dad got in a fight, because they all drank too much.  Shocker.  Just reinforces why drinking causes me anxiety.  Even when I am not drinking and I am around my family, or other drinkers who are clearly intoxicated, I noticed I get anxiety.  I never know whats going to happen, who is going to blow up.

When we got back from the lake, we went to a bbq at my man’s (G) we will call him, friends house.  G wanted to grab some beers for the bbq, and was let down when we realized the store was closed.  In my head I thought “See you don’t want to even go to one bbq without a drink, and here I have to do everything without a drink.”  That was just my little bitchy attitude speaking up, as he is the most normal drinker I know.

When we got to the bbq, Ty’s girlfriend also said she was glad I was there so she didn’t feel pressured to drink because she didn’t feel like it.  That made me feel good that I could be a good influence on other people.  I didn’t drink, I enjoyed the bbq.

And here I am this morning, happy that I survived, and once again PROUD.  I did not give in to the feelings, and they passed.

I read something from a fellow blogger that said “Don’t do something life changing and serious, like take a drink, when you are having feelings.  The feelings will pass, you having a drink will start the cycle again.

I can’t stand the thought of starting over at day 1.

Today is a stressful day, I am signing the papers at 1 today to take over my dad’s business.  It isn’t going well as my other brother is mad, possibly quitting, family drama, our secretary has something up her a** lately…. ugh.  I keep thinking of the new financial responsibilities I have now… BUT…..I CAN get through this, without a drink.  I will.

Much Love, xo




4 thoughts on “This is HARD

  1. Have you tried to meditate? I used to drink a lot and quitted so many times, and i finally. I started meditating and finding why I was drinking. After a couples of months my cravings for drinking were almost gone. It was no easy, and I can relate to the struggle. But it is worth the shot! Good vibes!


    • Hi and thank you for the response! I have been on/off with meditating, but never for a significant amount of time to see the true benefits. Glad to hear it worked so well for you- I am going to give it shot- 10 mins a day to start! Thanks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Soberrella here. Have you ever seen the blog Tired of Thinking About Drinking. If not check it out. It really helped me a lot. I was able to get 6 months sober and I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful I felt physically, mentally and spiritually. It is not easy in the beginning. You really have to just hunker down and do it. But if you can get past say 4 months you will really start to feel a difference. Good luck. I’m on your side.


    • Hi Soberella,
      I have not checked out that blog- I will do that this morning. I have glimpses of those days of feeling so high and amazing, then low days, but you are so right, ive got to hunker down and do it!

      Thanks girl xo


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